...about Women's Lit.

The following is an extract from the hit novel "Love Craft"

Wednesday 10th June
Drink - none (vg!) Calories - 440Cigs - 3
1pm. Went over to see Sharon. She says I ought to have it out with Ben about all these trips away he's been having. "Bridget," she said, "He is so obviously cheating on you! Look at him - he's a man, for God's sake!". So I decided to check, and pretending to be from the firm, rang up their office in Zurich.It turns out he wasn't there at all last week! Bastard!

9.30 pm. Went to see Ben to demand explanation. "You weren't at a conference at all last week!" I said angrily. "I rang up your office and they said you didn't go there at all! And I found this airline ticket with R'Leh written on it!" Of course, being a man, he couldn't come up with a good answer. For a while all he did was go "R'Leh F'Ghagn Cthulu N'Gah", but then he cleared his throat and said, "Bridget, there's something I have to tell you. When you said I came back from business smelling of seaweed last week - you were right. And the Star-Spawn of Carcosa that I went to see aren't a management consultancy firm. I'm not really called Ben Porter. My real name is Cthulhu, the Crawling Chaos. When the stars are right, I and my fellow great old ones, Hastur the Unspeakable and Glaaki of the Spines will rage across Notting Hill and do battle with Shub-Niggurath, black goat of the woods with a thousand young. He's that chap you met at Sarah's dinner party last week, the one who looks a bit like Hugh Grant. Not only is he the foul destroyer of the Great Race of Yith, and master and progenitor of the Shoggoths, but he was giving you the eye. Job in publishing or not, he's definitely got it coming."

Friday 18 July
Calories - 1200 Cigs - 1 (vg!) Hideous experiences of cosmic horror - 3 (vb!)
Went round to Sharon's to discuss men and drink Chardonnay. She says I shouldn't be surprised that Ben is really a malevolent star-god from the abyss bent on the destruction of mankind. "Men, all the same," she says. "They promise you the world - several worlds, actually - and then it turns out they've got a wife or they're seeing someone else. Look at Chris for instance. 'That which is not dead may eternal lie, and with strange eons even death may die', he once said to me. And did he mean a word of it! Did he bollocks. The only good ones are gay, of course. Take that Yog-Sothoth. I'd have him, if only he wasn't chasing men and the annihilation of the universe all the time."