... about Charades

Charades was made "popular" by Lionel Blair nobody is sure why he decided it was worth doing but it has been suggested that it was a drunken bet with his brother, Tony.

It's a simple game to play, the opening stage of the game is probably the best bit: firstly an over excited family member (and yes it's usually my mum, for which I apologise) will insist that "we all play a game!" usually because it's Christmas or New Year which means we have to tolerate each others company as a family without resorting to the TV.
At this point the other players make desperate excuses as to why they can't play a game... these hopeless gambits will ultimately fail because we don't want to ruin Christmas for mother, do we?
Next comes a second round of desperation whilst the family tries to agree on a half-enjoyable game, inevitably this is just a delaying tactic and will fail. Some idiot (or my mum) will suggest Charades this will be received with icy stares, more excuses, and a quick recreation of the Goldfinger sketch from the Christmas episode of Bottom (charades starts about halfway through).
The game itself is something of a let down after all that excitement!

There are 2 ways to make charades considerably better:
1) Make it as hard as possible to guess, acting like an idiot is the best part of the game, enjoy it, give in and ham it up for all your worth. On this note its worth mentioning that one of the funniest charades I've ever seen was the Blob which contained no clues other than the person involved behaving like a blob for about quarter of an hour!
2) Make it random, buy yourself a big book o' films and pick from it at random. This works even better if the book has foreign films in it!

By now you're probably itching to play so here are a couple to wet your beak, see if you can guess them:

Charade 1

Raises right hand and makes circle in front of eye. Left cranks handle at side of head.
Raises 3 fingers.
Raises 1 finger. Slaps forehead with palm of right hand.
Raises 2 fingers. Pulls at earlobe. Puts pinky finger to corner of mouth, then cradles something with left arm makes motions above it with right hand. Points at self, performs motions again, points at self.
Raises 3 fingers. Puts 3 fingers against forearm.
Puts 1 finger against forearm. Pulls at earlobe. Walks around slowly with back slightly bent and right arm trailing (45 degrees backwards and downwards).
Puts 2 fingers against forearm. Points towards viewer
Puts 3 fingers against forearm. Pulls at earlobe. makes L shape with hand as the viewer sees it one of the bars points down the other points right.

That's it!


Charade 2

Traces rectangular symbol in air around face.
Holds up 2 fingers.
Holds up 1 finger. Taps one finger on arm.
Holds hand above head and wiggles fingers, in imitation of rain. Raises one arm and rubs armpit with hand. Rubs chest and face. Points to item in rubbing hand.
Taps 2 fingers on arm. Bends legs so almost squatting, then rises. Continues to do this, moving up and down.
Holds up 2 fingers. Taps 1 finger on arm. Makes rectangular symbol again with fingers in air.
Taps 2 fingers on arm. Puts out tongue and nods head, like tired dog.

Finish!

... about Mash-Ups

The concept of the mash-up was created by Humphrey Littleton on "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue" in a game called "One Song to the Tune of Another". Since then it has been taken to the hearts of, mostly amateur, DJ's the world over and in particular Germany and the Internets. The traditional technique is to take something that the "cool kids" would dance to and combine it with something the "cool kids" wouldn't dance to and then try and give it a clever or funny name - so for example we could take Phil Collins and "mash him up with" Jay-Z (or one of that crowd) giving us Easily 99 Problematic Lovers or something, to my knowledge that one doesn't exist yet but if anyone does decide to make it then send it and the royalties my way!

Mash-ups are generally not released commercially and that's for two reasons firstly the vast majority are rubbish and don't actually aid the original songs and secondly the original songs are used without permission and hence there would be a huge tangle of lawyers (dependent on the number of songs and samples used) fighting over what little profits might be made. Whilst watching lawyers fight is vastly entertaining its probably not worth the trouble in this situation!

It seems that the world of the mash-up lacks originality and the same songs re-occur time and again. Staples include: Missy Elliot - Get Your Freak On; Jay-Z - 99 Problems; The Prodigy - Smack My Bitch Up; AC/DC - Back in Black; The Chemical Brothers - Galvanize; Survivor - Eye of the Tiger; and any given Snoop, Michael Jackson, Dr Dre or Queen song! Presumably with this information you could make the Best Mash-Up Ever which would be something like "99 Thrilling Freaks Smack the Galvanized Queen in the Black Eye for Snooping"... oh wait I forgot about Dre!

... about 1984 - The Musical!

Walt Disney's 1984. From the novel by Orson Wells. Music by Jeff Wayne.

The Future. The world is divided into three huge states: Oceania, Eastanglia, and Tesco, permanently at war with one another. In London County, Inglandcestershire, Winston Zeddmore Smith awaits trial in the Ministry of Fun.

Winston - Oh no! I'm going to be brainwashed and put in room 101! Whatever shall I do? But - wait a moment! Who's this?

Dennis - 'Allo Winston! Blimey, you look a bit down! Got a face like a thought policeman's arse, you have. Wossa problem?

Winston - Can't you see? I've be captured! I have only torture and death to look forward to!

Dennis - Ah, it's not so bad. All you've got to do is look at it right, and whistle a little tune between your big incisors that can chew right through a man's head. Just like this...

Well you've failed in your rebellion,
against a system that's Orwellian,
and the bad news is that they got hold of you alive.
You thought Julia would elope with ya,
but now the Stalinist dystopia's
not going to let you stay around for 1985.

But -
Cheer up Winston, cheer up Winston!
Why else d'you think they call it the Ministry of Fun!
Cheer up Winston, Cheer up Winston!
You might get Paul Merton's autograph when you're in room 101!
So put on a great big smile, and remember all the while,
There's still a dozen pages till the story is unfurled.
You may have lost a lover, but now you've gained a brother,
So when you look at it, it ain't the worst thing in the world.

Winston - Hey, you're right! (Singing:)

Well I took on the fist of iron,
And was brainwashed by O'Brien,
Because I didn't do all of the things I should.
My chance of survival may be brittle,
But I've got you - like Stuart Little,
And with my best friend here I'm feeling plus plus good.

They sing the chorus again. The thought police storm through the door and do a dance. O'Brien performs a solo on a rusty machine with dials. A picture of Big Brother winks. In the merriment, Julia, Winston and Dennis slip out the back door and off to frolic in the Golden Country. And so on.