... about Mash-Ups

The concept of the mash-up was created by Humphrey Littleton on "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue" in a game called "One Song to the Tune of Another". Since then it has been taken to the hearts of, mostly amateur, DJ's the world over and in particular Germany and the Internets. The traditional technique is to take something that the "cool kids" would dance to and combine it with something the "cool kids" wouldn't dance to and then try and give it a clever or funny name - so for example we could take Phil Collins and "mash him up with" Jay-Z (or one of that crowd) giving us Easily 99 Problematic Lovers or something, to my knowledge that one doesn't exist yet but if anyone does decide to make it then send it and the royalties my way!

Mash-ups are generally not released commercially and that's for two reasons firstly the vast majority are rubbish and don't actually aid the original songs and secondly the original songs are used without permission and hence there would be a huge tangle of lawyers (dependent on the number of songs and samples used) fighting over what little profits might be made. Whilst watching lawyers fight is vastly entertaining its probably not worth the trouble in this situation!

It seems that the world of the mash-up lacks originality and the same songs re-occur time and again. Staples include: Missy Elliot - Get Your Freak On; Jay-Z - 99 Problems; The Prodigy - Smack My Bitch Up; AC/DC - Back in Black; The Chemical Brothers - Galvanize; Survivor - Eye of the Tiger; and any given Snoop, Michael Jackson, Dr Dre or Queen song! Presumably with this information you could make the Best Mash-Up Ever which would be something like "99 Thrilling Freaks Smack the Galvanized Queen in the Black Eye for Snooping"... oh wait I forgot about Dre!

...about Prog Rock

Prog Rock is a form of rock music influenced by heroic legend. Prog rock albums seek to reflect the epic nature of The Lord of the Rings by being very, very long. Prog rock songs are all about a wizard, without exception. Even were a prog rock song about something normal, buying some chips for instance, the chips would still be stolen by Gollum. The only exception is Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd, which is about a teacher putting children into a mincing machine. This is how haggis is made.

Owing to the extreme length of prog rock songs, it is common for fans to bid their families goodbye before listening to a full record. Classic prog rockers Hawkwind started performing their album Flame of Udun in March 1974, and are believed to have reached the drum solo by now.

...about Snoop Dogg

Snoop Dogg is a rapper, but not a bee. He is in fact a dog. Snoop Dogg is of the noted West Coast New York school of rappers. He lives in a dustbin in The Bronx, along with his crew of numerous cats, including 50p, Doctor Andre The Giant and Benny, and is forever getting into scrapes with his enemy, Officer Ibble-Dibble. Close friends get to call him Snoop D.

...about The Wu Tang Clang

The Wu Tang Clang are a group of rap musicians and bees (see Cypress Hill), who style themselves after a Chinese takeaway. They are noted for being very numerous. The Wu, as they are known, are famously modest, even going so far as to claim that “Wu Tang Clang ain’t nothing but fuckwits”. Famous members of the Wu Tang include The Rozzer, The Geezer and Dirty Old Man, who recently passed away after falling into a swimming pool of his own vomit. They have made several records, and appeared in Snoop Dogg’s porn film Enter The Wu Tang.

...about Punk Music

Punk music was invented by punks as a reaction to Prog Rock (see "Prog Rock"). Famous punks include Sid Vicious, Johnny Ramone, Malcom F1 Mclaren and the fashion designer Tim "Vivian" Westwood. Punk rock is often angry and anti-establishment. Typical lyrics are: "God save the Queen,She ain't no human beanThey made you a moronOut of sticky-backed plastic-a." Punk is very difficult to sing, like opera. Excessive rolling of R's is required, along with an unconvincing cockney accent and a tendency to end every word with "a". As a genre it is well suited to ringmasters and town criers. All punk songs end with a raspberry being blown by the singer. If not, they ought to. The authors remain pledged to making this the case.